How to harv liek a BOSS !
Posted 15 February 2015 - 11:05 AM
For now I bring unto you these tablets on which I have penned teh 10 commandments which will save yo sorry ass from having to continually purchase exc capes, or end up a laughing stock when you are caught harvin dung like teh lowly EL'er you surely are.
Teh first rule of good harvin is always REMEMBER your Exc cape. Honestly, dudes. It's no good trekking all the way from dp sto to cc, getting a nice soft spot in front of teh ore, only to find you've left your cape behind. Also, its no good just packing your cape then forgetting to put it on. Remember, time is money (or rather gc). Fortune favours the organised and aware, not teh dumbass.
Teh second rule of good harvin (at least in OL) is to AVOID doing it at weekends when massive invasions continually abound. Believe me, a boatload of gnarly mobs will be all over yo ass before you can type #Beam me up FFS, and your exc cape and skunk hat end up being worn by a huge imp with an utterly unpronounceable name.
Yeah, rool 3 is just like rule two, its NEVER a good idea to afk harv in OL. By the time you wake up, or finish stuffing your face with cheap and nasty Domino's pizza, you'll find your char sitting in teh underworld with no pants, whilst bag jumpers and zombie trolls sell your exc cape and skunk hat on ebay, whilst lolling at your weak EL technique.
So rool 4 is, if you must harv at teh weekend, be aware that Learner has absolutely no compunction against dropping a tsunami of char hatin baddness on your head at any time. And if he misses you first time, he'll just drop it round the corner from you so that the woolly gargoyles can sneak up on yo ass. Yup, in OL you need eyes in the back of your head, so have minimap up at all times, and NEVER cover that sucker with your inventory panel (liek a complete EL nub).
And ofc rule 5 is ALWAYS wear a diss ring. Treat it as you would a cheap condom and wear two, that is if you don't want your expensive exc cape owned by the imp with the completely unpronounceable name. Whilst you're at it, an IP ring is usually a good idea, except on those days when Learner invades IP with a legion of his pet fluffy bunnies. No dude, nowhere in OL is ever completely safe, particularly if you are a weak EL'er thinking you can earn a fortune from afk daisy picking
So, rool 6 applies for the weekdays when there's no invasions, when you'll need to working like a trojan to make all those he's and srs's that you'll burn in the first 10 seconds of meeting Eternal Hunter on Saturday, when he'll be lurking in dp forest waiting to jump on yo nubby little arse. Time (dude) is money, so never go anywhere empty handed. If you're gonna harv sunflowers, be a man and bring a crap load of quartz, wine, vials, and yo trusty M&P, and mix yourself a bag full of brs's. Ditto coal, when you should be bringing a bag full of ore and fe's with you, and a shit load of iron bar back. DON'T be a sucker and make the nubby EL mistake of spending half your in-game life hauling nothing but your sorry ass.
Ok, rool 7, and this is a classic. Yes I know shit breaks in EL, but in OL it breaks even more often. This is coz Learner gets massive lolz each time he sees some nub taking only one pick axe to an ore party. Be pr0 and always take at least three pickaxes with you, and make at least one of them titanium. This way Learner gets to frown and grrrr when he sees you returning from cc staggering under the massive weight of your inventory filled to goodness with iron bars (yup, feel his pain).
Rule 8 is about lilacs which, if you haven't already worked it out, are not the best way to make you rich. Indeed, all it will achieve is the dubious gratitude of some nameless npc who will pay you a fraction of a gc as a reward for your profligate nubbestry. Imho, that NPC is far too generous and, if it were up to me, i'd bury you under the PL outhouse along with all the other 'daisy picking' EL'ers. No Sir, if you want to get rich quick in OL, harv the shitz needed for man's stoof liek he's, srs and brs. Then sell them on Saturday when most of the community are lying shattered and bleeding on the field of battle with a legion of Learner's finest stealing their pants, swords and expensive armour.
Rule 9 has to do with meat, which is the most precious and rare commodity you can have in OL. Forget EFE's, glowy swords and gai pink armour. None of that matters unless brave harver's venture forth to make the he's, brs and srs that keep our fighting folk out of the underworld and let them defend the community from teh imp with the totally unpronounceable name. Yes Dudes, conserve your meat; do not waste it and take every opportunity to borrow it from wandering bunnies, rats or anything else that won't kick yo ass back.
This rool has to do with dung. Yes I know that dung harving is a religion in EL, and that teh high priests spend every minute crammed into every available outhouse. However, here in OL, we use the outhouse only for quiet contemplation and reading the newspaper. So plz don't waste your time wearing leather gloves with crap all the way up to your armpits. No one is gonna buy shit from you, and its not even as if you can make it into balls to throw at teh imp with the completely unpronounceable name, (or even Tiamet the slithery and his many siblings).
Posted 16 February 2015 - 05:43 AM
Making long, boring, repetitive harvesting into something enjoyable to read and a new spin on the side of harvesting.
Simple, yet effective.
To all those nubs that read this, listen up good. Munt knows his stuff, however trollish or illiterate it may seem to read, it always has a major portion of the truth with it.
Again, thanks for the entertaining read.
Posted 16 February 2015 - 07:48 AM
Kurama, you're missing out!
Posted 16 February 2015 - 11:15 AM
English is not his first language, and I suspect most translator programs would have difficulty with some of the spelling above, so he can be forgiven for skipping it, although it was funny.
It reminds me of something a critic once said about E.E. Cummings though - He was a great poet despite the spelling, punctuation, and other oddities - not because of it
Posted 22 February 2015 - 10:32 AM
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